I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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