Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
