So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize