Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
