Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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