Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
