i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I pour the whiskey from now on
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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