I need to stop coming to work sober
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
