Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
