you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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