yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
