My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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