If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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