I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
