in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
