OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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