You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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