I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
