Kareoke will never be a sober sport
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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