Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
