I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
