Having a random hookup so left but love u
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
