His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
