you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
