I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
