You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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