A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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