I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
