Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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