he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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