i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize