Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I need a beard to bite.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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