The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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