that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
