i just had sex bonerless
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
