thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
