dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
