best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
