I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
