Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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