you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
