ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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