She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
