I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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