i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize