closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
