Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
