Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
