I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
