i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
