We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize