I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
