Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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