She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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