Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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