Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
