a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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