Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
