Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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