why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
