Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
