they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
