Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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