allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
