She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
