Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
