No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wanna passion pit in your ass
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Randomize
