Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
