Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
this beer tastes like vomit already
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
