I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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