fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize