Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
