They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
