When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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