theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
