New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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