oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
